Quality Vs Curse

Quality Vs Curse

January 16, 2019

I remember once a 17 year old told me that she would never get married and she was decided. I said to her that she could not be certain of something at this age and to that her reply was that she felt she was too matured for her age and knew what she wanted in life quite early. It was an ironic perception; given that she thinks she has reached maturity already was in fact the sign of immaturity. But looking closely at her it made me realize that her perception of not getting married actually came from the urge to achieve bigger things in life and as sad as it may be she knew that achieving bigger things would mean a sacrifice to an association she would be bound to that would limit her possibilities of exploration.

Every girl child in any part of the world is raised with embedded concepts of marriage, being a mother and running a family. I hardly think any of them resists the notion, but as we grow up seeing the world in our own eyes, there is a possibility that some of us would like a balance between commitments to society and commitments made to oneself. What makes us think differently is when we see the world, we see opportunities, we see options and possibilities. Living in co-existence with people from other religions and cultures, we learn that there are other ways to live, not necessarily better or worse, just different. Those of us who like to be open minded, often embrace other concepts which enriches our personalities and characters and enables us to see life and people under a different light. This is a way of educating oneself. The fact remains that there is no end to learning, there is no end to discovery.

When we are in school, we learn discipline, basics of education, mannerisms. The older we get, we learn to be experts in subjects, sports, music and we learn to make friends. In University, we meet people from all walks of life, not only from our own society, we welcome different backgrounds into our network. As we move on to work life, we learn strategy, office politics, tolerance, discrimination, unethical practices and so much more. Having seen events beyond what happens in our inner circle surrounded by like-minded people, these so called experiences are enlightening. There is not one reality, but for each of us there is a unique reality embellished with the experiences surrounding us. These experiences is what constitutes to our being.

The engagement to our society, the eye opener through our experiences is what equips each of us with our personalities. As a woman, the education through academic qualifications and through relationships with a diversified network of interesting people, having traveled the world, experienced challenges and being in decision making positions, the quality of one’s character evolves. She is still the same girl who was raised with embedded concepts of marriage, being a mother and running a family. But she has more to offer to society, to her family and most importantly to herself. She acknowledges that, but do her surroundings understand or accept this?

There comes a time when a woman craves companionship where she would like to be engaged with someone who she is an equal to. A companionship that consists of interesting conversations, discussing ideas and sharing responsibilities. The companionship to be a partnership of equality. Not one of segregated responsibilities or compromise. A union of respect, two way support and independence. Speaking of independence, as a woman evolves into one, the notion of two becomes one when in a relationship can also evolve. The idea of having a separate circle of friends, to be able to travel or hangout separately becomes a part of the “ME” time which every individual should be entitled to. But is this independence encouraged by our partners or is it thought to be unusual?

The need to be spending time pursuing a passion which is a great remedy for one’s mental health, whether it be art, music or sports, it becomes a necessity. A necessary activity to allow oneself to enjoy what they like and what makes them feel alive. Indulging in one’s passion is still a luxury for most of us. First obstacle is do we know what our passion is; do we allow ourselves to discover our passion; second is do we have partners who support our passion; and third is, do we make a choice of whether we pursue our passion and fulfill our duties. Those of us who are fortunate enough to have found our passion, we don’t want to let it go as that is the fuel to the soul in the mundane life.

We speak our minds and are shunned for being bold.
We take life decisions that energize us, we are branded as selfish.
We choose logic over emotion and are thought to be heartless.
We find solace in our career that makes us un-lady-like.

It makes us wonder if society is ready for women who are well-read and well-traveled and are individualists. Is society ready to embrace equality to its truest sense? Or are those of us who have the ability to lead a life without being under a patriarchal umbrella are doomed from being desired as a companion. The dreams of a girl growing up to be more than what is expected of her can be a dream that secludes her from finding someone to share her dreams with. That is till date a sad reality that a lot of women live with. If only choosing one’s passion was not to be the result of a compromise. The ability to be empowered to make her own decisions, pursue a career of one’s choice and area of expertise, entertain a passion and being a part of a loving family could all co-exist once the judging stops and the accepting begins. An evolution needs to take place where unions between people happen based on the judgment of what the ensemble can offer together rather than what one can do for the other.

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