“We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are.” – Anais Nin.
As the calendar pages turned, marking my journey of more than a year within the corporate labyrinth, I could not help but feel like a wanderer in a land of shadows. Each day, I embarked on the same journey, finding myself in a cubicle, locked in a silent pact with a glowing screen. Returning home each evening, I was weighed down by a subtle dissatisfaction that took root in my heart. Yet, I, like many others, wove a tapestry of illusions to shield myself. I assured myself that this restlessness was no more than a passing breeze, a momentary wisp of doubt that would soon dissipate. I chose to embrace the comforting lie and told myself it was temporary a minor inconvenience.
As the relentless unease cast a shadow over my daily life, I realized a storm was brewing within, one I could no longer deny. Seeking clarity, I turned to a psychologist for help. Through our sessions, I uncovered the name for my turmoil—Denial. It was the defence mechanism I had unknowingly adopted to shield myself from the truths about my job and its toll on my well-being. The psychologist guided me through the layers of this survival tactic, explaining its purpose. It was a veil I needed to lift to confront the unsettling realities I had avoided.
Understanding Denial in Psychology
Denial is a psychological defence mechanism which is deeply rooted in the work of the renowned psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud. It is a basic coping method that people use when they face uncomfortable or distressing facts, emotions, or situations that contradict their pre-existing beliefs or self-concept. In essence, denial serves as a protective shell for the psyche, allowing individuals to maintain emotional stability while reducing the anxiety associated with confronting these difficult truths. In the field of psychology, denial shows up in different ways, each with its own features. In ‘simple denial,’ it is when people unconsciously convince themselves of something opposite to the truth, like ignoring an uncomfortable fact. ‘Minimization’ is when folks consciously admit a problem but downplay how big it is. Then there’s ‘transference denial,’ where they admit something is wrong but shift the blame to others. These are all ways we try to protect ourselves from hard truths and situations. This mechanism of self-deception can manifest in various aspects of life, from personal relationships to broader societal issues.
Denial in Personal and Professional Realms
Denial extends its reach from our personal lives into the workspace. In our personal realm, it allows us to shield ourselves from distressing truths, whether in relationships, health, or life choices. Yet, this coping strategy often carries over into our professional lives. Employees may deny their own shortcomings, resist acknowledging conflicts, and overlook signs of a toxic work environment.
The collective impact of these personal and workspace denials is profound, influencing not only individual well-being but also organizational dynamics and effectiveness. Recognizing the pervasive nature of denial in both spheres is crucial for fostering self-awareness, promoting personal growth, and creating healthier work environments.
Impact of Denial
It is important to note that while denial can provide a temporary respite from distress, it is not without consequences. It often hinders personal growth, impedes problem-solving, and strains relationships. Over time, the stark contrast between the illusion created by denial and the actual reality becomes increasingly apparent, leading to further psychological tension. Denying the existence or severity of an issue means that the problem cannot be dealt with. Research shows denial is associated with poor physical and mental health. If someone is in denial, they might refuse to get treatment for a serious illness or resist talking to a professional about mental health symptoms that are impacting their life. However, denial is not always a bad thing. In the short term, this defence mechanism can have a useful purpose. When dealing with something shocking or distressing, being in denial can give you a little time and space to gradually, often unconsciously, come to grips with the change. It can allow one to have time to adjust to a sudden change in your reality. By giving yourself time, you might be able to accept, adapt, and eventually move on.
The ‘Solulu’ of being ‘Delulu’
There is a new mantra making the rounds on social media, “Delulu is the new solulu.” This catchy digital nugget suggests that “Delusion is the new solution.” This means whenever you face a problem, the solution is to be delusional, that’s basically denial. It is important to recognize that while denial can serve as a temporary coping mechanism, it does not offer a sustainable solution. When faced with challenges or distress, it is all too tempting to bury our heads in the sand and pretend everything is fine, but true healing and personal growth come from confronting the issues head-on. This is where we must make the choice. Like Robert Frost wrote-
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. –The Road Not Taken
To transition away from denial, we can consider taking a step back and slowing down. This pause allows for thoughtful reflection and a healthier response. Engaging in mindfulness practices can enhance self-awareness and help us come to terms with the present moment, reducing the need for unhealthy coping strategies like denial. Journaling can be a powerful tool for connecting with our emotions. Grounding techniques, such as deep breathing and sensory awareness, can bring us back to the reality of the moment and help us face challenging situations directly. Opening up to trusted individuals and engaging in honest conversations about our feelings provides an alternative to bottling things up and denying our emotions. Lastly, seeking professional help through therapy can guide us to recognize and process these emotions, ultimately promoting personal growth and well-being. That way, we can really find our ‘solulu.
