Although an experience shared by all, grief is a complex emotion with vast, far-reaching cultural differences regarding how it is expressed and managed. The American perception of grief traditionally emphasises outward appearance, seeking closure and suppressing feelings of anguish. It values emotional self-control, encouraging people to deal with their grief privately and separating their feelings from their public lives. However, these ideals are not universally accepted, with increasing sentiments challenging the notion that grief must be a solitary or silent experience.
In American culture, there’s a widespread assumption that people should “get over” their grief quickly. The process is often considered a straight path with an ending point or “closure.” This idea compels individuals to shelve their sorrow and return to their regular lives and productive careers. There has been a tradition of subduing grief in public, thereby causing a commercialisation of grief and further isolation for those who have lost.
It hasn’t always been the case, historically. In the 19th century, Americans often wore mourning attire for extended periods to signify their grief to the community publicly. While this method could be used to note where people have experienced grief and where they haven’t, there was the possibility of public recognition and the potential for communal help. Gradually, however, with increasing societal pressure to return to regular procedures, the aggrieved mostly do so alone.
The absence of formal rituals or public spaces for grief frequently reinforces the American focus on resiliency and getting over it. Funerals tend to be short affairs, and the griefed are supposed to return to their regular occupations after a few days of compassion. It leaves many unsure how to ask for help, as they feel that their ongoing grief is unwelcome—if not even shameful—in the public sphere.
Other cultures accentuate public grieving and communal mourning more than American culture does. Regarding public grieving, these customs usually enable more time and space for grieving individuals to mourn their loss with the support of their community.
A satisfactory way to explain how sorrow is deeply rooted in Mexican culture is to use the well-known “Day of the Dead” in Spanish, “Día de los Muertos.” On the 1st and 2nd of November, people celebrate this festivity in an open-air fashion with colour, remembering their beloved deceased. Altars by families that have pictures of the deceased, favourite foods, and personal belongings dear to them create this scenario of inviting the dead into a merry remembrance with the living. Día de los Muertos merges both sadness and happiness. Instead of concealing feelings of grief, the dead maintain an ongoing relationship.
Likewise, it is another public sensation in most African cultures. An essential ingredient in mourning practices is the central belief in “ubuntu,” a philosophy that insists on connectedness between people. Funerals most probably happen in public, involving enormous crowds; this permits the whole community to participate in the grieving process, which can last several days in different cultural practices. This informally organised group will allow social integration, which provides an effective support system that will make the grieving process effective through being accorded respect.
In many Asian societies, such as Japan, grief is a societal obligation. As an illustration, one had to understand that understanding the dynamics present in Japan entails mastering the concept of “amae,” commonly referred to as a kind of dependence. Memorial services and death rites are still important, while a continuing relation with the dead is manifested in, for instance, the “Obon,” a spirit festival sympathetic to one’s ancestors. Grief is not meant to end suddenly; instead, it’s a process through ongoing activities that help keep the memory of the deceased alive.
The drastically different ways of mourning across the globe point out the failures of the American model, which focuses on closure and restraint of emotion. Feeling that you need to grieve alone can make a person feel even more isolated and curb their healing. Increased sensitivity in the US is at least beginning to recognise that what is needed is an empathic and open model of grief.
One of the primary reasons for such a shift in how Americans approach death is the importance of collective support. Social networks have proven necessary for helping an individual cope with grief. Mourning is a social situation in societies where bereaved people are more likely to receive more attention and feel less lonely. People might experience that their sorrow is acknowledged and appreciated through shared practices, and public recognition of loss is a social custom.
At the same time, many are questioning the very notion of “getting over” grief, asserting instead that loss is not to be overcome but to be integrated into living. From this perspective, there is no requirement to deal with grief for life to move on but rather coexist with other emotions and experiences. The more complex understanding of mourning allows the experiences of loss could prevail throughout one’s life and allows for a broader emotional range of responses.
Indeed, awareness of what is seen as failures of the traditional American response to grief can create an opening for a more permissive, compassionate cultural response to loss. This could involve rediscovering some of the rituals of public grieving or integrating elements from other cultures that support group grieving. It is not about forcing any specific grieving style but rather creating a culture in which various styles of mourning are recognised and supported.
After all, how we experience grief is miles ahead of how we can provide support and be there for each other during these troubled times. By encouraging an open and enlightened cultural and societal view, we can ensure that no one goes through loss alone.
