Stepping away from my role in the workshop team at my voluntary organisation was a significant decision. Public speaking was a constant demand in that position. However, joining the social media team brought an immediate sense of relief. Avoiding the fear of public speaking seemed like the easier path to take, rather than confronting it head-on. Yet, deep down, doubts lingered. Was this avoidance indeed the ultimate solution? The frustration of being unable to address an audience has resurfaced. Many of us tend to evade stressors rather than square up to them. While this evasion offers a brief emotional relief, it also carries magnified negative consequences.
Understanding psychological avoidance
Anxiety can be a real devil in the lives of many of us. It can come with debilitating sensations in our body and mind that make us want to escape far away from the impositions of life. This is when psychological avoidance proceeds to set in. As described by Michael G. Wetter, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in Los Angeles, California, avoidance is the attempt to minimise and avert the perceived threat, danger, or anxiety. We often lay off stressful tasks for later, which we usually term procrastination. Procrastination is an avoidance coping mechanism, and so is substance abuse, avoiding events that can be useful to your career just for fear of social interaction, avoiding challenging conversations, suppressing distressing memories through toxic positivity, numbing oneself with distractions or simply distracting yourself with TV or social media. It is a maladaptive coping mechanism used to avoid emotional discomfort, conscious or unconscious.
Is psychological avoidance healthy?
Stress is never pleasant; it is not supposed to be desired by anyone. But we often opt for stress avoidance instead of stress management while dealing with stressful situations. Instead, this attempt to numb the triggering emotions perpetuates the stress and frustration of being unable to confront our psychological monsters. If someone at risk of a fatal disease keeps shelving their medical tests, fearing the stress and anxiety the diagnosis might cause, they will only push themselves to the verge of death. Putting on a difficult task for the temporary relaxation of the mind will only pile up responsibilities and result in significant depression later on because, ultimately, the work has to be completed by any means.
Luanna Marques, PhD, an associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, once wrote about a client in The Washington Post. The woman of a vital calibre client sacrificed 25 per cent of her potential income by taking a career detour to avoid public speaking. A study conducted by researchers within the World Health Organization estimates that depression and anxiety disorders cost the global economy $1 trillion yearly in lost productivity.
Avoidance can undoubtedly save one from crippling anxiety for a short period, but it ultimately leads to long-term distress, disappointment, missed opportunities and the chagrin of nonattainment. So the key is not to avoid our weaknesses but to face them head-on and turn them into empowerment.
Patterns of Psychological Avoidance
Dr Luanna identifies three patterns of psychological avoidance- Reacting, Retreating and Remaining.
Pattern 1: Reacting
This pattern refers to immediate, impulsive responses to avoid or suppress the uncomfortable experience. This can manifest as emotional outbursts, defensiveness, or lashing out at others. For example, when faced with constructive criticism, an employee may react defensively and dismiss the feedback, avoiding the discomfort of acknowledging their areas for improvement.
Pattern 2: Retreating
Retreating from psychological discomfort involves withdrawing or disengaging from situations or relationships that trigger discomfort. It may involve isolating oneself, avoiding social interactions, or creating physical or emotional distance. For instance, a business executive experiencing anxiety about public speaking may consistently delegate presentations to colleagues, avoiding the discomfort of speaking in front of others. Or a social introvert may keep scrolling through their phones aimlessly to escape any disagreeable discussion within a group.
Pattern 3: Remaining
Remaining in psychological avoidance indicates persistently staying in situations or seemingly comfortable relationships that ultimately hinder personal growth. This may involve staying in an unfulfilling job, an unhealthy relationship, or avoiding necessary confrontations. Relationships with friends and family get bitter due to the avoidance of confrontation. Worthy entrepreneurs may end up resisting the expansion of their business to new markets due to fear of failure and choose to remain in their comfort zone instead of taking calculated risks.
Dealing with psychological avoidance
The first and foremost condition to deal with psychological avoidance is shifting to active coping from avoidant coping. Anything that is resisted persists. So the first step is to change how we approach our fears, followed by addressing the fears directly. We must learn to identify our avoidant situations by being mindful of even the most insignificant tasks and challenging them. Exposing ourselves to situations that are off our comfort zones, being communicative, acknowledging the causes of anxiety and working on them, setting short-term goals, practising self-motivation and practising the regulation of reactions to our own emotions are some of the steps that will gradually make active coping mechanisms easier for us.
How much avoidance is harmless and valuable?
Sometimes, avoidance works as a rejuvenator, provided it is not practised overwhelmingly. After long hours of work, our mind requires some dopamine to regain the vitality of life. Genial distractions like listening to music, painting, posting on social media, watching movies, spending quality time with friends and family or simply thinking of beautiful memories can provide a momentary escape from the boredom of our hectic work life. Healthy hours of pleasant distractions are necessary to keep ourselves going. Apart from this, there can be crises at times when confrontation may put physical safety at risk. Such situations demand the presence of mind and prioritising safety.
Again, mild forms of psychological avoidance, such as briefly redirecting attention or engaging in calming activities, can help regulate overwhelming emotions in specific contexts. This can be useful when immediate emotional expression is inappropriate or when individuals need time to gather themselves before responding.
However, it is essential to note that while psychological avoidance might have temporary placating benefits in these specific cases, it is not a permanent solution. So the cypher is to recognise when avoidance becomes a persistent pattern that interferes with personal growth, emotional well-being, and the ability to address underlying issues effectively.
Author- Tasfia Tahiat Umme
